Holy Water by Big & Rich

I directed anyone from myspace to came here if they wanted to follow my blog. So, this is an updat for anyone from myspace.

UPDATE

It's been almost a whole year, but I finally went back onto myspace. And now practically everyone is on facebook. Yay.

My first semester of college is over. I still have no major.

I got highlights for the first time. They were not what I had hoped and do not really compliment my hair.

I am now 19. But, what does a number mean? I've been on this planet long enough to circle the sun 19 times. Yay.

Truly, I believe that wisdom is the real teller of age. And wisdom does not only come from experience but from the lessons learned from those experiences. I have few life experiences and fewer lessons from those experiences, so I find myself not at all the true age of an adult.

Although, there have been experiences that are only to be called adult experiences. They have made me think so very much lately (partly the reason I do less and think more) that it makes me feel so worn I should feel to be much older.

I am, as ever, a walking contradiction.

I read, but not as much as I used to. I listen to music, but not as much as I used to (due, in part, to my car radio that seems to be incapable of producing anything more than static). My drawings are nonexistent and I sing more in solitude. My pitiful writings are at a standstill. I do not hold the concentration to sit and focus enough to come up with words that are pleasing enough to create a decent plotline.

My family. I will not go into that now.

I have writen enough for today. If anyone should actually happen upon this, congrats. You have found a long lost blog spot I only just remembered about a few days ago. Only three people knew about this place previously and have long since looked at it. What a great place to write and not really feel that anyone should truly see it. One can almost be fully open in what they write.

Almost.

Sparkle by Rubyhorse (LOOK IT UP!)

Christmas is quickly approaching and I feel as if it was just graduation. I'm already done with my first semester of college. Time seems to go so fast and so slow all at once. I sit here and think of what I have accomplished and find I cannot write anything down. Yet, I feel as if I have been all over and I do so many things that I am crazed.
I guess that none of what I have done really counts as anything. I have no direction, no goal, no motivation. I would much rather sit and daydream, where I am content and happy than look at the life I have which is going no where fast. I used to have so many dreams but now I have become so pessimistic I cannot fathom reaching any of my previous ideas. Maybe, one day, I will find that drive, that vigor, that spark that will light the youthful fantasies again and I will become the person I used to dream of.

Views of Love

I haven't been on blogger in forever!! I can't believe I still remember the password!! LOL!
Anyway, thanks Ben for the next topic to write about!
Love.
What a complicated, confusing, amazing, crazy thing love is. Not only that, but there are so many different kinds of love. There's the love of a parent to a child, child to a parent, siblings, friends, significant others, and soul mates.
There are so many things I could discuss about love! I'm not sure where to start. Maybe I'll just talk about the big one, the love of your one and only. Your soul mate.
This love is so strong, but it's different for everyone. And, to find that one special person, you may go through a lot of significant others. You'll have to learn from all of those relationships that may have not been perfect. Mold and shape them until you define what is your perfect love, until you find who is your soul mate.
Sadly, I don't have much experience in the significant other section, but I have learned a lot about the molding section from relationships I have seen my family and friends go through. I've learned to use my morals and beliefs as a standing stone, and when I find someone to be a significant other, I'll build from there.

Again, thanks Ben!!! If there is anything on the topic of love you specifically wanted me to talk about that I didn't, you know what button to push!

Ok, guys. I need a new topic!!! Does anyone get on this site anyway now that school's out?

Prayer

Erin gave me a topic and I promised to post. So, here it is.

Most people think about prayer as a way to ask God for the things they need or want. I have a bit of a different view thanks to one of my Sunday School classes. We were watching this dvd series called 'Nooma.' They are awesome and all about spiritual perspectives. If you are interested in watching these awesome and thought provoking dvds, let me know and I can borrow them from my youth leader.
Anyone, there was one about prayer. I can't describe it well, so bare with me. It talked about the questions people always ask about prayer, especially the most common question, 'If God hears my prayer, why doesn't He answer it?'
People!!!! He does!!! If may not be the answer you want. You may not even see that He is answering it. But, you have to have the faith to know that He has the best interest for not only you, but eveyone in mind.
And prayer isn't just about asking for things. Prayer is a way to thank God for everything He has given you. The friends that are in your life are there to help you because He put them there. He is the reason that you have the loving people around you. It's a way to praise His awesomeness and power and love for you. Everything in your life that is amazing is there because He wants the best for you!
Some people question my last statement. 'If He wants the best for me, then why does He let bad things happen?'
This is a hard question and I struggle with it sometimes when I'm in grief. I'm sad to say, but when things are down, I question Him, too. But, I'm wrong when I do that. There is evil in this world. Because of that evil, we have illness and betrayal and murder and adultry. He can't take that away because He gave use a very powerful gift. The gift of free will. We have the option to chose what ever we want. We can do good or evil; pick right or wrong. We can believe in Him or believe in false gods.
This doesn't mean that He doesn't want us to believe in Him. He loves us and everytime we turn our backs on Him, deny Him, He hurts. He loves us and wants us with Him always; want's us to love Him always. But, He doesn't want it to be a forced love. If doesn't mean anything if it is. He wants us to love Him because we have the choice and we choose Him above all else.

I've strayed from the topic. Back to prayer. Prayer is also a way to just think about God and see what He has in store for us. In a time of hardship, prayer can help you choose the path that is right be praying about what God would want you to book. A great book that would show this is 'This Present Darkness.' I just recently read this book and it shows how powerful prayer is.

Ok. Erin is complaining that I'm taking too long typing this. I have read her post yet. So, please comment about prayer and give me another topic!!!!!!

Four Day Weekend

So, this past weekend, I spent my time at my dad's. He is so awesome and I miss him. I haven't been gotten to stay at his place in like two months. I hope to spend next week at his house again. On Sunday, we celebrated Memorial Day at my dad's house. We had a cook out and went swimming. My sister got the dvd 'Taken.' We watched it. It was ok. The main character was a little to bold for my taste.
On Monday, my youth group had a small party for the seniors. We played games, ate food, talked, and laughed a lot!
So, my weekend was good!
I am now reading 'The Host' by Stephenie Meyer. I'm addicted.
I graduate in a week and a day. :) :( Mixed feelings.
I'm rambling. Sorry, but Erin told me to post and I don't know what to post about so I'm rambling about anything I can think about.
............................................................................
....................................................................
............................................................
.....................................................
..............................................
.......................................
................................
........................
..............
.......
...
.

I don't know what else to talk about.


!!!! I know!!!!
Why don't people leave me comments about topics to talk about!!! Then, maybe I'll be motivated to post more!

Jim Jones was a pyschopath and a killer. I wish there was a way to stop people like him. He brainwashed all of his followers and them made them poison their own children and commit suicide. Retard.

Fire drills are stupid!!! Anyone agree with me?

Harper's Island

Erin is insane!! She doesn't like Harper's Island! :( I absolutely love it! I really am trying to find out who the killer is. I doubt that John Wakefield somehow survived a gunshot from Abby's dad. And if he did, how is it that they burried him? I'm thinking that it's either the father of the bride or maybe one of the groomsmen. What is up with Trish's niece? Something's wrong there. Anyway, Harper's Island is awesome and if you haven't seen it, you should. It's like Agatha Christie's novel And Then There Were None, which is totally cool.

Ok, enough obsesing oven my new favorite show. I don't know what to talk about, which is odd because I haven't posted in a while. I should have a ton to talk about.

Nate and dad are in Kansas right now at a rabbit show. Yup. A 20 hour drive just for a rabbit show! Crazy. But I get to go over to dad's house and have it all to myself. And he just got the pool up and running. So, that's neat.

I'm rereading the House of Night series. It's pretty good if you like vampire books.

School is crazy. It's getting to the end of the year and I'm stressing out. I'm not sure if I want it to be over yet. I'm not sure I'm ready. But, time doesn't wait for a single, silly person.

I can't wait for prom!!! But, Hink now says that he's not going so I don't have a date. I'll be the third wheel again. Oh, well. It's not likie it was a real date. Just friends going together. Plus, we're going bowling after prom, so, FUN!

Ok. I think I posted enough to make up for my lack of posts since last Friday. See ya!

Susan Boyle- Enough Said

Susan is so awesome!!!! If you have no idea who I'm talking about, go to youtube and look up 'Britain's Got Talent Susan Boyle.' Her voice is so amazing. Masser showed us the video. Boyle sang a song from Les Miserables called 'I Dreamed a Dream.'

I can't say anymore. Just watch it. You'll be glad you did.

Do it!! You know you want to!!!!!

creative writing and cars

Today, we had to re-type everyone's poems in creative writing so that they were in the same font and formated correctly for Kaliedescope. :( It took a while and was kinda boring. Scratch that. Very boring. But it's important for the class so....



Anyway, my dad had to take his suburban into the shop last night to get it looked at. Guess who's car he's using now to get to and from work?... That's right! Mine. I don't mind that much, but the reason I'm bringing this up is that I realized something. My car is in decent condition when it comes to the part where it has to run efficently. But, it's crappy when it comes to everything else inside the car. My door handle is broken so I have to role down the window to be able to close the door. Even when it's raining! And when there is snow on top of my car and I shut the door, all that freezing cold snow falls into my car and down my neck!! >:(

Plus, my radio is a piece of poop. I only can get it to work on clear skies and even then there's only a 50% chance I will get a radio station and not just fuzz. I have a cassette player and one, repeat ONE, cassette to play. so this week, while we've had all these rainy days, I've been repeatedly listening to that one old cassette my parents bought for me way back when the popular way to listen to music was the cassette tape. And that one cassette tape is Shania Twain Come On Over. Yes, people. I have had I Feel Like A Woman repeatedly playing in my mind for the past three days.

Then, we have the heating and air conditioning system. OMG! Spring days that are cold in the morning and warm during the day are the worst! It takes forever to get started on cold days. And even when I have it on full blast, I get to school of church with frozen hands. Then, when it starts to get warmer during the day and I 'turn it off,' it doesn't go off. There is a constant stream of air coming through my vents that is being warmed by my heating system. I have to roll down my windows so that I'm not roasting in the sweatshirt I wore that morning because I was freezing! But, sadly, that doesn't stop my heater from running, which uses the precious gas I put into the tank.

And the window paint that my sister had put on my car like three weeks ago, I just finally got that scrubbed off this past Eater Weekend. I didn't mind it that much until Thursday when driving to school and the paint gave me a surprise. I was in the outside lane of 22 going east and I wanted to get into the inside lane so that I could turn left on to the road to school. I looked into my rear view mirror and side mirror and put on my signal. I checked the mirrors again and finally looked over my should to my blind spot as I was about to go into the inside lane. I saw yellow and FREAKED!! I had a heartattack. Thoughts were running through my head, like if I hadn't looked to my blind spot, I would have hit this car in the inside lane and I would have gotten myself into my first car crash, or like I couldn't believe that I hadn't noticed that car before because I am constatly looking to see what cars are around me to avoid the very collision I had almost been a part of. These thoughts ran through my head in about two to three seconds. Right after I swerved back into the outside lane, I looked back over into the inside lane. No one there. The yellow spot I had thought was the headlights of another car was a stupid G my sister had written on the window. It went to the statement she had written 'GET GLAD!' How ironic because I was P.O.ed. So, that Saturday, I was outside with a bucket of warm soapy water and an old rag, scrubbing away at the paint plastered on my car. And it was COLD that afternoon because it had rained earlier that day.

Ok. I'm done rambling about stupid stuff. I'll blog some more later.

thought for today

If I'm 18 and am held responsible for my actions as an adult in the laws eyes, why am I not allowed to be in a bar after 9pm?

A while back, I was at the winner circle for my older brother and sister's 22nd birthday (yes, they are twins) because the band missy (my sister) is a part of played there that night. Zach (my brother) wanted to stay and listen to them, and Missy had to be there anyway. So it was decided that we as a family would go there for dinner and then let the twins stay late for the band. Half-way through the celebrations, I decided it would be cool to hear the band that my sister works with. so, I asked dad if it would be alright to stay later with my sibilings. He thought it would be ok, but my sister (the band had already plyed there a number of times, so she knew the rules even though my dad did not) spoke up and said that no one under the age of 21 is allowed to stay in the bar after 9. Guess when the band was supposed to come on?

Needless to say, I didn't really get to see them. Which I guess is ok. Missy got a cd and I listened to it. They're ok, not my favorite. But it got me to thinking. Why is it that I am held accountable for my actions as an adult in the eyes of the law, but am not treated like one? Why is it that I can go into a gas station and buy cigarettes that will give me lung cancer and kill me, but I can't be in a bar? It's not like I was going to drink. I am personally against alcohol, but they don't know instead, they could give me a wristband that says im under 21 or stamp my forehead for all I care. I just wish that I was either treated like a teenager or an adult. It shouldn't be obscure the way it is.

soc class

We are studying marriage, dating, and family customs. Everyone in our class got a county to research today and have to do a mini oral report tomorrow. Isn't that great?! >:(

Anyway, I got China and, did you know, people are not allowed to marry unless the man is at least 22 and the woman 20? Public displays of affection are discouraged and intimate dating relationships are highly frowned upon. The bride retains her maiden name but the children recieve their father's surname. The bride has THREE wardrobe changes during the course of her wedding day. She starts out with red in the morning when her fiancee come to pick her up to go to the church and ends up in white for the main banquet at the end of the day. The guests play tricks on the new couple until they retire for the day.

Yep. They have some different customs in china. I'm really glad I live in America!!

glitch

Have you ever felt like you're following the directions from a G.P.S. system thats malfuntioned?

'Take the next right.... Now, take your first left..... Take the left .5 miles ahead.... Now, take a right, or maybe a left... left..right...right...right..left.right.rightleftleftleftrilefrighle......... Oh, look. You're back where you started!' :(

Life is so much like that. But, I've found, that no matter how little progress I've made, I'm still at a different spot then when I started. At least now, I know one way that won't get me to the next part of my life. And knowledge is the only guaranteed thing that we can arm ourselves with.

totally random

Hi! New blog spot. I mainly made it so that i can follow Erin's blog spot, but maybe I'll actually post stuff on here.